Author shares insights on navigating midlife with grace

Part 1 of 2

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Born and raised in Milwaukee, author Maggie Rose Crane graduated in 1965 (as Margie Bartz) from Custer High School and attended the University of Wisconsin-Milwaukee while working part time at the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel. She went on to graduate with a bachelor of science degree in psychology from the University of Pittsburgh and now resides in California.

Here, she answers questions about her book Amazing Grays: A Woman’s Guide to Making the Next 50 the BEST 50 – Regardless of your hair color!

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Q. Welcome, Maggie. I love your title. Could you please tell us a little about your book?

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A. Amazing Grays draws on my journey through midlife. Balanced somewhere between a memoir and a how-to, my intention is to provide baby boomer women insights, strategies and tips on how to traverse the rocky waters of midlife with grace and accept the purposeful seasons of a woman’s life. (And that it’s OK to do a little kicking and screaming along the way!)

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Amazing Grays is not just about reclaiming our zest for life – it’s about the tough choices we need to make to heal the past, let go of roles that no longer serve us, take accountability for our health and fitness, deal with menopause, hormones, graying hair and a changing body, and uncover what we value now. By redirecting our focus from our packaging to our essence we are better able to embrace the ongoing circle of life. It’s through this work that we are blessed with the ability to reclaim our vitality and age with grace, gratitude and gusto!

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While the book is a little about gray hair (I do share my own process of going gray as well as some stories and photos from several other women who took the plunge), it’s mostly about gaining a fresh perspective. “Gray” is so much more about age than hair color. (Although if you peeked at the roots of 90 percent of boomer women, you’d find the gray hair, too!)

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I believe that by taking the journey a step at a time and engaging with the people, activities and events that bring a smile to your lips and a song to your heart, you can create a life that reflects the woman you’ve become. I’ll let you in on a secret – this is actually the key to living longer. You don’t really add years to your life – you just live those years so fully grounded in the present moment that it feels like a very long time, no matter how the years add up.

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Q. Did something specific happen to prompt you to write this book?

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A. Actually, yes. I had a life-changing epiphany in a hair salon where it became clear I would never color my hair again. Little did I know it was the start of a very bumpy journey. Going gray was the precipitating event that threw me up against all my fears and expectations about aging in a culture obsessed with youth. While not every woman decides to go gray (nor should she) – the effects of aging eventually show up for everyone. Children leave home, careers wind down, bodies change, relationships evolve, values mature and the seeds of unrest begin to bloom.

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After wrestling with my fears, compiling stacks of research and going on a three-month silent retreat, it “came” to me. (You know, it’s never really silent inside one’s head.) I realized that as a leading-edge boomer, it might be useful to chronicle my experience and share what I had learned so that midlife women could have a guidebook as they traversed these rocky waters. It’s so empowering to know you’re not alone – and you’re not going crazy! I wanted to extend a hand to help them not only go through it, but also explore these purposeful changes in a woman’s life and better appreciate the circle of life. In the process, I share my “not so graceful” journey.

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Q. What do you feel sets this book apart from others in the same genre?

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A. There are several books available about aging and midlife written by celebrities. While they are wonderful women, most of them live very privileged lives. They have notoriety, personal stylists, hairdressers, drivers, cooks, personal trainers and the money to purchase any product or treatment they desire. While I see no problem with that, most of us can’t relate.

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Amazing Grays focuses on my experience as an everyday baby boomer woman maturing in a youth-obsessed society. I’ve been married, divorced, a single parent, fired, remarried, dealt with a blended family and survived several careers. I drive my own car, do my own hair and makeup, cook my own meals, live on a budget, pick out my own clothes and go to the gym. I believe these commonalities will allow women to see themselves in my story and relate to my journey. My intention is to share insights and strategies on how to age mindfully, with style and grace (allowing for a little kicking and screaming!)

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Q. What are some of the fears midlife women experience as they age and how might they release those fears?

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A. Underneath it all, I imagine many of us wonder, Will I continue to be lovable? Respected? Desirable? Important? Can I still make a difference? Will I become invisible? Why are my looks so darned important? Is everyone this afraid of dying? Who am I now that I’m no longer of reproductive age? Am I doing what I came here to do? What do I want to do with the rest of my life? Is it almost over?

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If we don’t confront our fears head-on, they will run our life from backstage. I recommend that women take some time to brainstorm every fear, belief and expectation they have about aging and write it down. Then, by asking some simple questions – Is this true? Who said so? How do I know this? – they can begin to question the truth of these fears.

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In my workshops, I encourage women to look at the fears they can do something about, and determine an action they can take to alleviate it. The rest of their fears will most likely fall into the category I call “irrational” and are best dealt with by challenging the voices in our heads that keep insisting they are “true.” There is no easy fix, but often just naming these fears can dilute some of their power.

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Don’t believe everything you think! The quality of our life is determined by what we pay attention to – so I encourage women to stop focusing on who they were and focus on the woman they’ve become. How can this woman make a difference in the world? How can we become “spiritual midwives” for a generation following in our footsteps? How can we give back in a way that feeds our souls?

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Read Part 2 of the interview with Maggie Crane.

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More About the Author:

As a leading-edge baby boomer, Maggie Rose Crane has experienced many life passages common to her peers: college, marriage, divorce, single motherhood, career changes, and creating a blended family. The author of Amazing Grays: A Woman’s Guide to Making the Next 50 the BEST 50 – Regardless of Your Hair Color!, Crane is also a sought-after speaker who crisscrossed the country for more than a decade speaking to thousands of women on topics including leadership, stress reduction and life balance. She is also a guest editor for the Dove “Real Women/Real Beauty” web site campaign. See www.maggiecrane.com for more information or to order an autographed copy of her book.

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